The Biggest Mistake I Made As A Nanny

When I became a nanny, I didn't realize the weight of the responsibility that I was taking on. Yes, it's (obviously) taking care of kids. And that means everything that comes along with it- joy, stress, exhaustion, crying, diapers, cuteness overload.

But one of the most important jobs that a nanny has, and one which we often forget, is to support the parents. And with one family, I completely failed.

I was working with a mom who was having a really hard time going back to work, even though she was working right upstairs. On my first day, we went for a walk, and she locked us out of the house. We went to the park, and while we sat on the bench, waiting for her husband to bring her keys, with her impossibly cute daughter happy in the stroller, the mom just cried.

She cried and then said she felt stupid for crying (as if every other mom I've worked for hasn't at some point or another).

I should have known then how to build a relationship with her, how to address any issues that came up, and what NOT to do. Instead, I ended up making her feel like she was "doing it wrong".

I was so wrapped up in my own head in the initial planning phase of this business and how I wanted to teach. So I gave her advice.

Frequently.

Or I'd just straight up tell her what I would do in her situation, and with too much insistence. Even though my intentions were good (I wanted to help her daughter get through some sleep issues and fight the dreaded 45-Minute Intruder) all of that "advice" backfired. Hard.

Because with every "should," every "this is how she can sleep better" (which just sounds like "This is how YOU should be making sure she sleeps better"), I eventually triggered in her what EVERY parent feels: self-doubt and guilt. She felt as though I was questioning her parenting, and I don't blame her.

The environment became increasingly stressful for both of us, our relationship deteriorated, and that helped exactly no one (especially the kids). She became more hostile to my suggestions (understandable), and I became so stressed at work that small chunks of my hair literally fell out.

It's been quite a while since I worked with that family, and in that time, I've made some MAJOR changes to how I approach working with parents. I needed a long break to reassess my career, so I left that job to do my Master's in Childhood Studies, and it took that separation to really realize the impact that we, as nannies, have on the whole family dynamic. We are there for the kids, yes, but we are also there to support and provide care for the parents. And while working for her, I did not do that. Instead, I made things more challenging for her as a mom (as a NEW mom), and it's the biggest regret of my career.

After realizing my mistake, I changed the way I thought of this business, of Piccoline, and when I created my courses, I made sure that each one was fully centered around parental well-being. It is SO often left by the wayside, whether that's by doctors, nurses, partners, or (mostly) by parents themselves.

It doesn't need to be ignored by nannies (or parent educators...).

Parents need to be uplifted, supported, reassured, high-fived, taken out to dinner, and given wine.

It's a hard job, and our job as nannies is to make it easier, not to compound the guilt, stress, or even shame.

If you're a nanny, I hope that you can learn from my mistakes, and offer help and support to your employers, not judgment or unsolicited advice.

If you're that mom, know that I'm truly sorry, and I sincerely hope you're doing amazingly well.

And if you're a parent reading this, please know that you are not alone in your struggles. We are all doing the best we can, and we all need support. No one is perfect, no one CAN be perfect.

So let's all be kind to each other- nannies and parents alike- and remember that we are all in this together. We all want what's best for the kids, and we can only do that if we work together, with open communication, and understanding.

If you have any questions or would like to share your own experiences, please leave a comment below! I would love to hear from you! :)